SadoMasochism

Each of us is a Sadist or Masochist or it can be both. We failed to notice it because it happened all the time. In relationships, entertainment and environment. How we love getting pain and how we love to inflict pain to others.

i let it go

i let myself go

i let myself free

but not entirely

im sorry that youre hurting

i know the wounds will always be there

im sorry for all the time you wasted

im sorry if im complicated

im sorry for all the broken promises

im sorry for not giving you everything

and left you nothing

im sorry..

i wont be coming back

so dont wait for me

i wanted this to end

our misery

i wanted you to be happy

and find your self worth

i dont deserve you

you deserve something better

Goodbye Noel.

I love you

I loved you

self hatred

this feeling that i cant put into words is painful

everytime i tried to ignore it. yet my heart doesn't forget

numbness

confused

i tried to get by

every single day that pass

it was crying

getting used it for a long time

im afraid that i myself dont exactly know its roots.

where does this pain came from

how

when

where

it was shattered into pieces

broken that i tried to mend in all sort of ways

destructive

helpless

i end up running away

looking for an escape

hurting people around me

selfishly took everybody's kindness

corrupted their feelings

lies

betrayals

sin

wasted assumptions

i have been feeling this for a while a now.
drunken or not its still the same.still hurts like hell
in every scenario, there are different versions.
my version and yours
how stupid

am i a joke? to think i was feeling bad all these years of leaving you behind.
different story,
different approach
yet same shit.

I'm feeling in pain and i cant find the wounds.
where to start in mending it.
inner tremors, unspoken feelings.
you have no idea. you have no way to know.
coz i, myself kept it all, down to the core
to the deepest woods
to the complex rays
the complicated self that make this more complicated
so tired
vagueness

from the start, such a fake
mixed signals, no concrete feelings
got consumed, corrupted
yet we smile, i smile
you cried, i cried
your lost, I'm broken
but its painful and still hurting

How To Make Friends With Your Family - For Dummies

"kaylangan nyo lang ako pag may kaylangan kayo!"

wasak ba?paulit ulit yan umiikot sa utak ko na parang sirang plaka. yan ang unang beses na narinig yan sa nanay ko at sa totoo lang, sapol at sagad xa hanggang buto. ang pamilya namin ay isang regular na uri ng pamilya. pero dahil sa hirap ng buhay, uri ng pagpapalaki na naranasan ng mga magulang ko at ang ama kong nasa ibang bansa, minsan iniisip ko ng dahil sa mga factors na yun kaya hindi namin namalayan lahat na nagiging manhid na kami.hindi lang sa paligid, sa problema, maging sa relasyon.

MANHID

a six letter word that i usually heard with my ex, with opang and then now. i wonder, if i am insensitive with others feeling could it be that i am insensitive with my own feelings as well?..it makes sense right?unless im selfish. i realized the i have never got any conversation with my family or ask them what they are up to. but i love mu family and they are my priorities. i can give up anything for them. i guess im like this because this how we wee brought up. we have to deal any pain that the world can give to us yet unknowingly, we become insensitive.

i dont know how to start. we cant be like this forever. it will come a time that each of us will have there own family which will broaden the gap. yet i dont know what to do. My mom, she's not happy. She's tired. I am sorry for her. You know why i want to go abroad right away not because i want to satisfy my curiosity but rather i am thinking that it will expedite everything that i wanted to accomplish for my family. i want us to have our own house in a place not like this so that she wont be stressed anymore with her neighbors. i want to tour her in different places in the country. but i dont know how to start.

The Past You..and The Current Me

you know what exactly is the reason why i dont trust right away?..because im vulnerable and stupid. I dont know where should i stop, forget and let go. funny thing, it wasnt me who started it.

i remember you, i still remember it and i guess that will always be with me. those memories. it's depressing sometimes, though there is no point of being one. nothing happened. i cut it out before it get started. i didnt regret it. i know what i did was right. because you is you and me is me. we both know each other what are we like and the conflicts. were wise enough not to put us into a mess. yet i dont understand why i am feeling this way. is it because i run away?what you think?did i really run away?...

after all these years, we were never been the same again. i dont know you anymore or myself, i guess.